How to be lost without wandering

While serving as a missionary for the church in Portugal, I saw plenty of people wander. Youth with their sleeping bags tied to their packs getting on and off trains, and homeless men walking the same stretches of street day after day. First year college students struggling to fit in, doing whatever was required to find their way into the crowd, and businessmen negotiating their way through the tricks of the trade. Some took longer to get to their end destination, but at one point or another, all of these wanderers eventually found something. After all, “not all those who wander are lost.”(1)

While these types of wanderings were common, I saw another type that was even more prevalent, the spiritual kind. Looking in the eyes of each person I passed, I could see them questioning, some almost seemed to cry out in their desperation, “Where do I go from here?” They couldn’t seem to accept any answers about life, not from parents or teachers or religious leaders, and as a result they were doomed to wander until they came to trust that sometimes the beaten path is the right path.

I remember one particular park in the center of Leiria, Portugal, filled with hundreds of people on a cold night in November. For my companion and I, being Americans, it was more than just a normal day; we knew that an ocean away our families were sitting down to carve the turkey and stuff themselves with every kind of pie imaginable, laughing and talking and being grateful for what they had been given. Yet here we were, two twenty year olds wandering cobblestone streets in search of some soul who would listen to our message of happiness. When we reached the park and saw the hordes of people, we began contacting everyone in sight.

“Do you know what day it is in America?”

The answers varied from no knowledge to a vague perception about football and turkey.

“That’s right, it’s Thanksgiving! And do you know why we have it?”

These answers were even more diverse, some people mentioned family time or just wanting to eat large quantities of great food. While both of those are true, we wanted to help them see the deeper meaning.

“We celebrate Thanksgiving to remember to give thanks for what we have, and to remember how good our lives are. And we have a challenge for you. Tonight, before you go to bed, will you make a list of 10 things you are thankful for?”

The people usually started to smile at this point and got excited about the idea.

“Not only that, but before you fall asleep, will you pray and thank God for these things He has given you? Because we know all good things come from Him.”

And with that, a new light would come on in their eyes. Something would connect, as if something lost was suddenly found, and they would almost all immediately agree.

We talked with so many people that night. Old men in their berets, teenage boys smoking cigarettes, young couples holding hands, moms pushing strollers, old ladies walking home with their groceries, men in business suits, girls with bright red lipstick. So many wanderers who didn’t realize how lost they really were.

As my companion and I walked home, my mind replayed over and over again the conversations, the smiles, the promises to act. We certainly encountered wandering souls, each hopelessly trying to break out of the mold that they were breaking themselves, bending over backwards to be unique. Unable to accept the beaten path, the one that leads to self-contentment and self-control, they were so busy searching for another one that they lost themselves by the way. I felt a quiet success, knowing that in some small way we helped a soul find the path they were subconsciously searching for.

And then I realized Heavenly Father already knew this would happen. He knew His children would wander, would try to do it on their own, and so He prepared tools to help us out. Not only did He give us the perfect Trail Guide, His Son, but He also gave us the perfect trail map, the Book of Mormon. The map not only testifies of the Trail Guide, but it shows us which trails work and which ones don’t.

The book starts out just as our lives do, with a family. It’s a very human family, with happy times and hard times, complaining and working hard, and lots of opportunities for the parents to teach their kids. A few chapters in, Lehi, the father, has a dream in which he sees very clearly the path his family should be on, as well as the wandering paths some of his children are choosing. Why would Heavenly Father make sure this story got put into His guide book? Because it helps us to see that wandering is not an effective way to find happiness.

There are multiple groups involved in the story, some found and followed the path from the beginning, and immediately reached the tree and partook of the brilliant fruit. Others started out on the path, but as time went on they chose to wander from it and thus were lost. Others chose to ignore the beaten path completely and attempted to make their own; none of these made it to the tree, and eventually their potential for happiness was lost amid the wiles of the world and drowned in the depths of the filthy river. The path leading to the tree may have been narrow, but it certainly wasn’t impossible. It was well marked, with a rod of iron which provided a secure grip for when the path became rocky. If the path was so clear, and the fruit so delicious, why would anyone choose not to follow it? Why was wandering so appealing? Maybe they thought they could find a “better” path, whatever “better” means. Maybe they thought they could do it faster, or easier, or that it would be more thrilling or exciting. Maybe they didn’t have trust in their Trail Guide, or they simply didn’t want to follow.

Nephi explains that the iron rod is “the word of God,” and it runs along the path that leads to the Tree of Life, whose “fruit is desirable to make one happy.”(2) Those who made it to the tree and ate of the fruit were successful only because they followed the path and held to the rod. Heavenly Father is telling us we need to do both. So what makes the difference between the two? You can be on the path, but that doesn’t mean you’re holding on to the rod. In other words, you can be lost, but that doesn’t mean you have to wander. You can still have questions and concerns without wandering off into mists of darkness, and you can stay in the safety of the path until you have the strength and conviction to secure yourself to the rod.

I saw this happen in my own life. From day one I was placed securely on the path by patient parents, but I can’t say I always held to the rod—there were lots of questions and wonderings and doubts. Surrounded by a family that had always believed, always known, always been the pillars for others to lean on, I felt that I couldn’t let them down. Were my questions severe? Never. But to a teenager, any loose pebble is enough to strike fear of an avalanche. I certainly made mountains out of molehills, wondering if these probing thoughts in my mind would turn me into one of those horror stories of the child that falls away, the one who takes a swan dive off the deep end.

From the outside I seemed totally fine. Consistent church attendance, daily scripture study, weekly temple attendance. I knew the Restored Gospel was good, and I certainly wasn’t wandering from the “straight and narrow”—if anything I reached for the rod with even greater tenacity than ever before, desperately trying to make sure I wasn’t grasping at puffs of smoke or being led along by a mirage in the distance.

We can find other examples of this kind of “lost” in the Book of Mormon. While Laman and Lemuel chose to wander, Nephi followed the path and when he felt unsure, he reached heavenward for confirmation that the path was right. He says, “I did cry unto the Lord; and behold He did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.”(3) It wasn’t always easy for Nephi to believe, and it didn’t always make sense—after all, the Lord had to soften his heart. But what made the difference is he stayed on the path even when he wasn’t certain, even when he questioned, he looked heavenward to his Heavenly Father instead of sideways to his peers. (4) He didn’t just blindly follow the path, he reached for the iron rod until he found it, and once he did he held on tight and refused to let go. While he may have at one time felt lost, he never felt the need to wander.

Another example is Enos. His father was a prophet who fearlessly led the Nephites in the early days of the Book of Mormon. Enos tells us, “The words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart. And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul.”(5) There is an obvious difference between hearing the word and accepting the word. He had heard his father teach and prophesy throughout his childhood, yet it was not enough for him to hear, he had to know for himself. Essentially, he was walking down the path, but he was still lost. Rather than rejecting the beaten path of which his father testified, he asked his Father in Heaven of its veracity, and as a result he found his answer. He followed until he learned for himself, and from then on he was no longer lost. He not only walked the path, but he held to the rod.

Just like Nephi and Enos, I longed to have the confirmation that this childhood path was true. My pivotal moment of conversion came much quieter than most—in fact, I don’t think it qualifies as a moment because it was more of a time period. I remember sitting in a tiny apartment in Coimbra, Portugal, teaching an incredible Brazilian family and testifying of the blessings my family and I had received as a result of the Restored Gospel. I finally realized my twenty years were more of a testimony to me than a vision or a dream or a single pinpointed spiritual experience. I knew it was true because of the way I felt when I lived it. I suddenly realized those doubts and questions I had always felt in the back of my mind were meaningless when compared to the memories of love and happiness and safety I experienced all growing up. At that moment, I stopped being lost and realized I was found—I discovered I was already “encircled about eternally in the arms of [my Heavenly Father’s] love. (6)

Maybe not all those who wander are lost, and I can accept that. But not all those who are lost have to wander. I certainly didn’t. I was lost for a long time on the inside, constantly questioning and searching and attempting to find me, to find my testimony, my reason for life and living and following these carefully choreographed dance steps we call the Gospel.(7) I never strayed far—in fact, I never even strayed at all. And it was because I was lost but never wandered that I eventually found my answers. My hesitating footsteps became more sure and confident with every step I took down this long and ever narrowing path. I didn't have to wonder about where to put my feet, because with every footstep the light came and showed me where I was. Gradually this light became brighter and brighter until it became an undeniable blaze and I was no longer lost.

When you stop and think about it, we are far from home, from our heavenly home—after all, we come into this life “trailing clouds of glory,” as Wordsworth so beautifully phrases it.(8) To an extent we are lost: lost from home, lost from heaven, lost from our eternal family. But just because we are lost doesn’t mean we have to wander—we can certainly find our way back to our heavenly home. And we can follow the path without knowing all the answers.

That’s where faith comes in. Faith doesn't mean you won't be lost, but it does mean you trust that the path you're on is better than wandering off by yourself. Faith means you trust your eternal Trail Guide when He whispers that the path will lead you home, regardless of if you can see the end from the beginning. Faith means you do the little things, the minor details, which keep you placing your foot over the next patch of ground, even if you're not sure exactly what direction it leads. Faith allows you to be lost without wandering, and to have confidence you can be found.

How do we become unlost—or in other words, found—when we’re not even wandering? We can follow the example of Nephi and Enos and many others in the Book of Mormon. When something doesn’t make sense, we shouldn’t start meandering through the underbrush—if anything, it is further incentive to stay on the path. Why hop in the ocean just as the waves become choppy? Why leave the storm cellar when the funnel clouds begin to form? (9) Instead, it is the moment to look heavenward, to ask for a confirmation that the path is right from the one who created the path in the first place. It is the moment to ask for the perfect Trail Guide to walk by your side, and to never let the map leave your hands. It is the time to stop simply following the path and instead start securing yourself to the rod.

Following the path consists of the daily acts of discipleship, the little things that remind us of our heavenly home. It is by these applied ideals that we stop being lost and start being found. When we are on the path, we say our prayers, we read our scriptures, we go to church. Holding to the rod is essentially the same. In fact, from the outside, it looks completely identical. We still bow our heads and fold our arms in prayer, yet instead of simply saying a prayer it becomes a conversation. We still sit with our scriptures open in front of us, but instead of glancing at each verse, we study and ponder and apply them to our lives. We still stay in the church building for the same three hours, but instead of allowing our minds to wander or our eyes to glaze over, we purposefully partake of the sacrament and participate in the lessons.

Just as my family couldn’t tell that inside I was lost, it is often hard to tell who is following the path and who is holding to the rod. But is it important for others to know? After all, it is not man’s judgment that matters. It is up to the individual to consistently do the little things, to show Heavenly Father where we stand, for it is Him and Him alone who knows the conditions of our hearts. Whether we be lost, or wandering, or connected to the rod, in the end it is up to us whether or not we will follow our Trail Guide to the Tree of Life—and ultimately eternal happiness.

Jesus Christ is our Trail Guide, our perfect example. We never need fear that He will lead us astray. He is the hope for the wondering and wandering soul, for as our Good Shepherd, He will rescue every last stray sheep. He is the hope for the weary traveler along the path, and His soothing words ease our aching muscles when we are exhausted from holding to the rod and fending off the fiery darts of the enemy. How we all long to hear the voice of our eternal Trail Guide say to us, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.”(10) And then, as we enter into His arms and His rest, we will know without a doubt that we are forever found.

Footnotes:

1.       “All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter,” J.R.R. Tolkien

2.       1 Nephi 11:25

3.       1 Nephi 2:16

4.       “Meeting the Challenge of Today’s World,” Robert D Hales, General Conference October 2015. “Be careful about taking advice from your peers. If you want more than you now have, reach up, not across!”

5.       Enos 1:3-4

6.       2 Nephi 1:15

7.       The Music of the Gospel, Elder Wilford W Andersen, General Conference April 2015. “We learn the dance steps with our minds, but we hear the music with our hearts. The dance steps of the gospel are the things we do; the music of the gospel is the joyful spiritual feeling that comes from the Holy Ghost. It brings a change of heart and is the source of all righteous desires. The dance steps require discipline, but the joy of the dance will be experienced only when we come to hear the music.”

8.       Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood, William Wordsworth

9.       “When Doubts and Questions Arise,” Adam Kotter, Ensign March 2015. “When faced with a trial of faith—whatever you do, don’t step away from the Church! Distancing yourself from the kingdom of God during a trial of faith is like leaving the safety of a secure storm cellar just as the tornado comes into view.”

10.   Matthew 25:21